helicopter vs free-range moms

I admit that I try to be a 1950's mom, letting my kids have a good deal of freedom that seems to be lacking in the lives of many of today's children. The older kids ride their bikes to piano lessons and scouts, are allowed to walk to the pool by themselves, and hang out with their friends outside for hours each day. I don't overscheldule their days, giving them plenty of free time to goof off, read, and be kids. At the playground I have always been the mommy who sits on the park bench reading a book or chatting rather than hovering beside each child. If they get hurt I encourage them to pick themselves up, dust off, and get back to playing. I have found that they end up being more resilient and not as prone to theatrics. I like to have a general idea of where the children are, but have never contemplated getting any of them a cell phone or installing a GPS chip under their skin.

After reading this article in Newsweek I took a "mommy quiz" to determine my parenting style. The results confirmed what I suspected, how we parent is based primarily on our distinct personality and so there is no "one right method" of raising children. Many times I have read a book or article that states in bold print, "The Best Way to Not Raise Brats!" and every paragraph assumes that all mothers tend to be too much of a push-over. If we can remember that each of our children were given to us by God himself and learn our parenting "style" then we can become the wonderful parent to the children entrusted in our care.

My quiz results: intj -The "Individual Integrity" Mother

Individualistic and independent, the INTJ mother is both a role model and teacher of how to be an individual and live life with integrity. She is introspective, defining her own success from within, and generally confident in her decisions. She is unlikely to be persuaded by her children saying, "But all the other mothers are doing it."

The INTJ is competent in providing for her children's basic needs, but she is likely more focused on developing their self-esteem and confidence. Observant and insightful, she puts great importance on independent thinking and self-sufficiency, yet she is comfortable providing protection and boundaries.

Self-motivated and intense, the INTJ works hard and takes life seriously. As a mother, she lives for those moments when she can impart knowledge and offer her children perspectives on life and important issues.

Knowing that not any style is "best," what kind of mom are you?

a true red, white, and blue 4th of July

The fire engine at the head of the neighborhood parade was red,

The spray coming out of the back of the engine during our rest stop was white,

and the water in the pool was blue. Mary collected the most money in the dive for coins contest, Maggie won the smallest splash contest, and Charlie decided to be the youngest swimmer in the pool - doggy-paddling 4 feet to the side all by himself! Tonight we will set off fireworks in the driveway and finally tuck 5 very worn-out children in the bed.

I hope you had as wonderful Independence Day as we did!

want to rethink that desire for socialized medicine?

Mrs. Ellen Westwood, 88, was in Birmingham's Selly Oak Hospital for two months after she had been admitted into Birmingham's Royal Orthopaedic Hospital for routine shoulder surgery. The woman ended up being treated for dementia and C.difficile, which Westwood's daughter alleges she contracted at the Orthopaedic Hospital after the surgery. The bacterial infection soon spread to her cheeks, face and throat, making it difficult for her to swallow.
Doctors at Selly Oak Hospital then told the family that all food, fluids and hydration were to be stopped and that Mrs. Westwood would be given morphine "because she is dying".

The family, however, brought the woman food and water. Hospital officials responded by threatening to report the family to social services for feeding Mrs. Westwood.
Eventually the family obtained a second opinion and Mrs. Westwood was able to go home, where she is recovering well and is celebrating her 89th birthday today.

While active euthanasia officially remains illegal in Britain, some are saying that the NHS standard procedure of issuing elderly and vulnerable patients with an "end of life plan" that includes dehydration, is simply euthanasia under a different name. Lifesitenews.com

IHM Conference notes: Taming the Tough Teens

Dr. Ray Guarendi is the funniest guy on the homeschool/family life circuit. He imparts great words of wisdom in between jokes, sometimes making the point about discipline the punchline itself. He is the father of many children, all adopted I believe, and can have a 4 year old saying, "Yes sir, anything you say sir," in about 20 minutes. This talk really struck home as I am one of those relatively strict parents he harps on, my kids are good about 85% of the time, but that isn't good enough for Dr. Guarendi. No way, he wants everyone's kids to be kind, respectful, charitable, and gentle all 24 hours of the day.

"Teenage angst" is cultural not developmental. We have permitted a great deal of bad behavior in the name of "kidhood." We are at the point of such lax parenting that now we have an epidemic of battered parent syndrome.

We need to have zero tolerance for nastiness, disrespecting a sibling, and many behaviors that we wouldn't tolerate from anyone else. If they ask to do something fun, "Can I go to the movies...?" They should be given a chore first, "Sure, but the lawn needs to be mowed." If they are rude then add on more labor.

We do the same sins over and over but we expect our kids to reform instantly, "Oh, I never thought of that, I'll be sure to follow your advice next time Mom." Let's get real, they are children and will try the same stunts again and again.

Many of the parents here have kids already in the top 5% of good behavior. They don't do drugs, smoke, drink, swear.... compared to everyone else we are "Amish." But do you want to raise a comparatively decent kid or do you want to raise saints? This relatively strict syndrome is only an illusion of strictness. Compare it to saying at the Particular Judgement, "But, God, 99% of the time I didn't commit a mortal sin!" Our children need to be respectful of their parents and siblings first and foremost, don't let them slide just because they are nice to everyone else but nasty to members of their family.

Carnival of Homeschooling

Beverly is hosting the carnival this week at About Homeschooling.

pre-packers packing

In less than a week we will welcome strange people into our house to touch everything we own, wrap it all carefully in newsprint, and seal it in boxes. Then another set of people will put all the boxes in a big truck and drive away. Can you tell I have issues about this? Perhaps it is because I have always moved while either pregnant or nursing save once. Perhaps it is because I consider my home a fortress from the many worldly evils and when we move that feeling evaporates.

My coping mechanism is to become uber-organized mama, starting by making lists of what needs to be packed for Maine, what needs to come with us in the van, and what we need to eat for supper to use up everything in the freezer. I then organize every junk drawer, every shelf, every closet so the loose game and puzzle pieces are not mixed in with other junk and lost forever. Finally, I hit the liquor store for boxes to pack up everything that is not breakable or nailed down.

Unfortunately the kids undo much of my work by playing with the toys I put away, piece together the puzzles I stack on the shelf, and sneak the books I am trying to pack so they can read them by flashlight in bed. After two weeks of sorting and packing the house looks much the same as it did when I started but with the addition of a multitude of stacked whisky boxes. I have to remind myself to be gracious to the folks who we will entrust our worldly goods to and that in two weeks it will all be unpacked again in our new home. Lastly, if that isn't enough to put me in a better frame of mind I need to recall that in just 3 weeks we will be headed up to Maine for picnics, visits with old friends, and walks to acquaint ourselves with the farm. This is our last military tour so in the not too-distant-future I see the end of this seemingly endless packing and unpacking that has been the backdrop of my 12 year career as a military spouse.

future vocation...or not

Maggie: "Charlie, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Charlie: "A fireman."

Maggie: "You could be a priest."

Charlie: "No, I want to be a fireman."

Maggie: "Priests love God best. Don't you want to be a priest?"

Charlie: "No! I want to be a fireman!"

IHM Conference notes: Pope Benedict XVI and the Mass

Yesterday was our last hour long trek to attend the Traditional Latin Mass in North Carolina. After searching on-line for a church home up in DC I found a parish less than 10 miles from our new home that offers a 1962 Mass, CCD, Scout groups, two daily Masses, and Eucharist Adoration. After the past year, I am hopeful of attending a welcoming as well as devout place to worship God. Here are some notes from Father Fessio's recent talk about the Mass:


Homeschooling today is the equivalent of the monastery of the Middle Ages, it restores a connection with the culture of Catholicism in a traditional sense of music, art...

The center of Pope Benedict's life is the Mass

The reform of the reform options are to take the 1962 Mass and reform it to update or take the Novus Ordo Mass and reform by using Latin and most traditional canon available. Visually it would look like to this to impliment what the Council leaders intended:

1962 Mass ---> Vatican II <---Novus Ordo Mass

In the Jewish liturgy there are two separate components, synagogue worship which focused on scripture and temple worship which focused on sacrifice. They are brought together in the Catholic liturgy. The Spirit of Liturgy is a book on the Mass focusing on the renewal of liturgy by Pope Benedict XVI.

Father Fessio then discussed his early friendship with the Pope and their written correspondence through the past 15 years. His own transformation into a lover of the Gregorian Rite (a new name for the TLM) began with saying Mass facing Our Lord. That experience so moved him that he gradually pulled more and more aspects of the 1962 Mass. He shared these impressions with his old friend and found many of the same thoughts reflected in response.

My impression from Father Fessio's talk that we are experiencing a historical moment in the life of the Church and what happens depends a great deal on priest's and bishop's following the successor of Peter. The opportunity for a glorious renewal of Catholic life is upon us and we should take every step possible to support Pope Benedict's effort in this regard.

another "study" that states the obvious

Bradford Wilcox, a sociology professor at the University of Virginia, analyzed three national studies... His research led him to conclude that men who regularly attend Christian services are engaged in happier and stronger marriages and are more involved in the lives of their children than men who do not.
"70 percent of husbands who attend church regularly report they are 'very happy' in their marriages, compared to 59 percent of husbands who rarely or never attend church," explained Wilcox, who also said that the studies indicated that wives experienced more marital happiness when their husbands attended regular religious services....married couples who attended regular Christian services were approximately 35 percent less likely to divorce then those couples who did not.

Fathers who attended regular Christian services spent an average of two more hours a week engaged in ...activities with their children. Christian fathers also spent more one-on-one time with their children and were 65 percent more likely to hug and praise their children.


The studies also found that children born inside of wedlock had much more "involved, affectionate, and consistent relationships" with their fathers. This is an important statistic given Wilcox's findings that church attending men are more likely to have children inside of wedlock then non-church going men.


"I find that fathers who are religious, and who have partners who are religious, are - on average - more likely to be happily married, to be engaged and affectionate parents, and to get and stay married to the mothers of their children." LifeSite News

A statistic that gets thrown around a lot in orthodox Catholic circles is that married couples who use NFP only have a 2% rate of divorce. I don't know if that is based on actual studies, but following the logic of the above mentioned study, it seems that the more a couple allows God to be part of the decision-making, the more likely God will give them grace to persevere in times of massive difficulty such as death of family members or financial troubles.

homeschool success stories

Apparently somewhere on-line some not well educated person started it by saying, "It’s good that Christians homeschool. We need citizens to clean our toilets and mow our lawns. Perhaps some homeschooled Christians will be able to fill these types of jobs. The rest will be unemployable retards like their parents."

To prove a point the folks at the The American Vision then asked home educated graduates to leave a comment describing what kind of work they are doing since completing high school.
The responses are an amazing testament to the educational excellence of the home education movement. This is only a typical post:

We home schooled all three of our children through high school.

oldest, Luke, is a Supply Officer in the U. S. Navy, responsible for $2 million dollar annual budget onboard a nuclear powered submarine.

Our daughter, Shannon, has an associates degree and will be leaving in August for a year in China teaching English as a second language.

My son Matthew is a 3.8 GPA college student entering his Junior year at the University of Oklahoma this fall.

As for mowing the lawn? My homeschooler does it and is thrilled to receive his $4 pay, after all he is only 9. I have drilled into the kids at every opportunity that there are no good paying jobs for uneducated/unskilled people these days, they all been outsourced overseas. If they want to be able to support a family and live a comfortable lifestyle they need to do well in their studies. Otherwise they will be standing behind the counter at McDonald's asking, "Would you like fries with that?"

Museum of Life and Science

Yesterday afternoon I sneaked out with the 4 older children while Timmy was napping (Tim was studying) and headed over to a museum that has been on my to-do list all year. Afterwards I so wished that I had insisted we had gone earlier than 2 weeks before we move so we could return again and again. The admission fee is pretty steep, requiring almost $50 for our family to just walk in the door, but on Wednesday afternoons with just a copy of our water bill we were able to enjoy all the exhibits for a minimal donation. The main building is sort of a hodge-podge of science and learning such as a mock-up of the lunar lander right next to a collection of animal skulls and an enormous leaf-cutter ant farm.

A walk past the crowded playground led us to a tiny barnyard and the bug building - a collection of gigantic cockroaches and millipedes, microscopes to see live beetles and fruit flies, and a tropical conservatory with dozen of butterflies flitting from branch to eager outstretched hands. Another 1/4 mile walk led to the wind exhibits which made Will and Mary gasp in their eagerness to try out the remote controlled 2' long sailboats.

It was a long wait to get a turn but everyone got a chance to steer and trim the sails.

When we finally pulled into the driveway 4 hours later all the members of my crew were hot, tired, and thirsty. They had such a nice time that I might finagle a way to go back next week and see if we can get a ride on the tiny steam engine as well as play ram your sister's boat at the pond.

IHM Conference notes: Homeschooling High School

Ginny Seuffert gave another inspirational, funny, and informative talk answering why should we and how we can homeschool our teens.

Why should we homeschool high school?

In public school teens have to go with the flow, the tribal mentality is overwhelming. Many teens are just trying to find ways to be angry.
"I wouldn't want to be shut up there for hours and hours each day, why would I force my kid to do it?"
The horrible materialism in terms of technology and cars that is present in high school leads to ostracization if your kid can't keep up. If you are a family with a single income you can't keep up even if you wanted to- which you don't. The teenager who was perfectly content at home suddenly begins to look critically at his own family for not having stuff. Appreciation for sacrifices only comes much later.
Don't worry about academics, the kids are reading all kinds of trashy, politically-correct, and anti-family garbage.

How can we homeschool high school?

Community college classes and the use of their library is a good resource for upper level subjects. Family, not school should get credit for raising learners. Beat the bushes for opportunities for your kids to learn a foreign language (pretty darn easy these days to find a Spanish speaker), sports (local clubs), or theater (community group).

Start at the same early time every day. Teach them to be punctual and hardworking- the number one thing most employers find lacking in employees these days.

Have a plan, be organized, and expect your teen to do a lot of it themselves. Get child to come up with a plan if things go wrong such as emergencies or vacation that cuts into schooltime.

Limit the number of hours doing school. However, they can't spend schooltime helping Mom to the detriment of learning. They need to be serious about their schoolwork. Kids don't want to write, but nothing is more important to future success in career and persuading others about the Faith than writing.

Make your school a school of virtue: teach your teens good habits such as social skills- being able to say sincere things, "I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's death," and writing thank you notes. Encourage close relationships between siblings and to parents. Talk about scandal and the responsibility of giving good example to younger children. They should be taught about modesty and respecting parents. Whether we like it or not the world does judge the entire homeschool community by our kids.

When dealing with teens who want freedoms they are not ready to handle, "You are not an orphan, someone cares about you and wants to know where you are." "I trust you, but I don't trust your judgement." "Don't tell me you will be back later, come to me with a plan."

God offers two crowns: green for fertility and red for martyrdom, we must accept both. Yes, it would be nice to ship them off to school and be free, but this is the self we need to deny. Give our whole self to God, this time to our family, and we will be richly rewarded in the end.

Even though my oldest is only going into 5th grade this fall I still needed this pep talk, You can do it and here is how." Thanks Ginny.

using the grocery store as a bank

Americans wasted over $4 billion on ATM fees last year, according to BankRate.com. Some giant monster mega-banks are pushing their non-customer fees as high as $5! There's a better answer than getting ripped off. You can go to a credit union or a community bank and get real customer service and not have to pay for ATMs. Quite often, your credit union or community bank will have an ATM network that's fee-free.

I haven't been to an ATM or bank in the last 8 years. Why should I when our credit union allows me to get cash back at the grocery store checkout? I am steamed when I hear about all the folks who are getting horribly treated by their banks (the latest is folks in high foreclosure areas getting their credit card limits being lowered without notice), but irritated that people will allow a business to give them such horrible service and pay lots more for it. Credit unions are typically a much better choice.

carnival of homeschooling

This week's camp edition of the carnival is up at Dewey's Treehouse.

gas prices keep going up

Now I know why the public school officials were so friendly when I called last week to understand Maryland's cryptically worded homeschooling law. I probably saved them hundreds of dollars just in diesel costs.

Another great thing I found was that having the kids enrolled in Seton helped me evade the onerous superintendent supervision of their education which includes up to 3 yearly visits, extensive portfolio requirements, and the potential of some government entity stating, "You aren't doing a good enough job, you have to enroll them with us." It made me wonder how many of those school buses are filled with kids who can't read on grade level and don't get to pursue their own interests in history or science. How many days do they waste on learning to take a standardized test? How many hours in the day do they actually spend on-task?

Just like I don't want to get cleaning tips from messy Molly or be subjected to childrearing articles from a psychologist with screwed up kids, my take is that when the public schools are graduating children who are all academically excellent then they can give direction to the homeschoolers, but certainly not in the today's climate of overwhelming school failure.


Here's how rising fuel prices affect an organization with a fleet of 1,273 school buses: The Montgomery County school board today will consider giving Superintendent Jerry D. Weast emergency powers to make students walk farther to school, if need be, in the coming academic year.

The school system's diesel costs have more than doubled in four years, from $3.6 million in fiscal 2005 to a projected $7.9 million for fiscal 2009, which begins next month. It's a hardship shared by the Fairfax County school system, with more than 1,500 buses; the Prince George's County system, with 1,285 buses; and other area systems that transport tens of thousands of students daily and are paying more for fuel than the average parent.

Should prices continue to rise, the school system could save money by raising maximum walking distances for students, because more walkers means fewer buses. Currently, elementary school students walk up to a mile, middle school students 1.5 miles and high school students two miles.

silly test

I still have a lot of work to do if I wanted to be a perfect 1930's housewife.

hat tip to Barbara (who scored 99)

84 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior Take the test!

reading circle

I just finished (while on the way home from Mass) Stolen Innocence, My Story of Growing Up in a Polygamous Sect, Becoming a Teenage Bride, and Breaking Free of Warren Jeffs by Elissa Wall. I can't say that I know much about Mormonism in general or the FLDS (the group that runs Yearn for Zion ranch in Texas), but this book gave me more insight into the brainwashing that goes on in such a place. It was frightening to read about her repeated pleading not to marry a man she despised and then be pressed into "man-woman relations" without having learned anything from her mother about such things. It amazed me how Elissa could develop a stong inner conscious after being subjected to such abject cruelty and limited education. Her courageousness at facing down the "prophet" Warren Jeffs is inspiring.

The epilogue mentions the April 2008 raiding of the FLDS compound in Texas and how Elissa assisted the authorities in communicating clearly with the members. She gives great credit to the CPS and the police in their effort in reaching out and understanding the culture of the FLDS while investigating child abuse. I admit that I can see this side of the argument better now. On the other hand, I still am angry over the image of dozens of little children taken from their mothers and put in foster care based on a single anonymous caller. This is many homeschooler's biggest fear and one that has made me wake out of a nightmare covered in sweat.

What was the right thing to do? I think it is such a difficult and multi-faceted problem involving freedom of religion, property rights, marriage laws, and child abuse that it will take minds far more intelligent than mine to find the morally correct answer.

disclaimer

The rapid discoloration and swelling on my left cheekbone is not from any violence on the part of my spouse (as if!) or children, but due to my own stupidity. If you happen to be cleaning up the yard today and spy a large dead branch hanging down, do not yank with all your might. It could swing back and whack you in the face. I wish that someone had warned me 30 minutes ago.

Of course we are going to dinner tonight at a work colleague's home. I'm hoping that they just think that Tim's wife is a closet biker chicks who just happened to be in a bar fight.

I think I'll go put an ice pack on my face and go lie down....

pool party

Every evening after supper is cleaned up I help Timmy into his swimmy nappie and instruct the older children to grab a towel. Then we walk around the pond, constantly watching out for snakes lying by the path. I slip both the little boys into their float gear and they jump, splash, and paddle for over an hour before we hike back home for showers and bed. The exercise has been great, ensuring that they will start snoring as soon as each head hit the pillow. They have made quite a few friends. I actually didn't realize how many children lived in the neighborhood until we met them poolside.

Maggie has learned to dive off the diving board. Her signature hop at takeoff always sends me into a giggle fit. Even Charlie tries to dive, pointing his little fingers before he does an enormous belly flop. As his body is encased in buoyant foam pads it doesn't seem to bother him because he climbs up the ladder to give it another go. Timmy performs a jump, splash, bob to surface, climb, jump, splash sequence which keeps me on my toes to make sure the little daredevil doesn't drown. I broke down the cost of the prorated fee we paid for half the summer and it must be the best deal out there: $5.50 a visit for the whole family to get wet, get fit, learn new skills, and have a great time.

As if I could put a value on this smile.